I've been ostracized from the Blogosphere
Hola, Iroda.
Hola, Kreess. Did you get your stitches removed yet?
Unfortunately, no. They want to wait until Monday. That makes two friggin' weeks. On a brighter note, I've since been allowed to sweat. So, I went to Griffith Park and took a short hike, then I went to Stoney Point and walked around it and took a short scramble over it, looking for some easy bouldering. There weren't too many boulderers there, so I wasn't able to find stuff that would work for me. There were a few beginning TRers there, but the phrase "can I borrow a belay, your harness, your shoes, your helment, and your chalk bag" wasn't quite able to be voiced. I'd only been there once before for a few minutes. Before, when I just walked around it, it looked moderately clean, but once you get up top it's another story: graffitti, garbage, and broken glass everywhere. It makes Griffith Park look positively pristine by comparison.
Well, I'm sure you had fun with the scrambling.
Yeah, but I'm still depressed. It's been 5 days since I sent lablogs.com an email requesting a link. I sent them another email two days ago. I check their site every few hours, but it still hasn't shown up. I believe I've been officially ostracized from the blogosphere.
Why am I not surprised?
I'm an L.A. blogger, many of my entries concern L.A. It makes sense for them to link to me.
But, from your first entry on, you were saying bad things about other L.A. bloggers. You were talking about how they were out to get you. You started in on this paranoid schizophrenic shit before they even knew you existed.
Look, Iroda, I'm like a Ouija board operator. I only write what the voices tell me to write. As it turns out, the voices were quite prophetic.
A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you ask me! You come off as this misanthropic, crusty, curmudgeonly, disrespectful asshole. You really can't blame them for not linking to you, can you? You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. You need to get a little nicer, fit in more. Become part of the blog community. Why can't you write nice stories about, say, cum-shooting dogs, or the bathroom habits of your cats? Plus, I'm beginning to think Anna Kournikova was right, you are a bit of a shtick-diebung gonuf arriviste.
Are you turning on me too, Iroda?
No, Kreess, I'm just trying to help you out.
But, it's difficult for me to change. I really want to be a valued member of the blogosphere, especially of the L.A. blogging community. But, I just can't be nicey-nice.
Well, Kreess, you need to change. Get some sandpaper, and smooth over those rough spots. Smile more!
Well, Iroda, I believe that there might be some truth in what you say. I hereby officially retract my earlier negative comments about other L.A. bloggers and about the blogosphere as a whole.
That's a start Kreess, but actions speak louder than words. Let me suggest that you back up your epiphanous declaration with banana cake.
Banana cake?
Yes, Kreess, banana cake. It's the universal symbol of goodwill. For the next meatspace meeting of the L.A. blogging community, bring a banana cake. As they're munching into that moist, springy luscious goodness, past hurtful comments will be forgotten, and new alliances will be formed. Pass out some of your business cards, make friends, get links. It's the blogger's way!
OK, Iroda, if you say so. I'll try it and see what happens. Ciao, and good luck in the tournament!
Ciao, Kreess.
Posted to Bloggage at 12:38 PM | Comments (1)
It takes a village
Hey! How'd you like to meet me in person? C'mon, I promise not to creep you out.
Tomorrow, as explicated in the following email, a community organization will be doing a cleanup of Atwater Village, and I'll probably be there for a few minutes between noon and 2pm. Atwater Village is between Silver Lake and Glendale along Glendale Blvd.; the ranch market's at the corner of Glenfeliz.
I get these emails despite being the sender's nemesis. She wants to convert an empty lot there into a park; I suggested that converting it into a business might be a better idea.
My opinion did not meet with such a warm reception, especially since I'm just an interloper.
See, I've never lived in Atwater Village. I used to live just outside the boundaries of AV in Silver Lake, and now I live on the other side. But, I'm not an Atwaterian, and thus I have no rights. Even the fact that my denti$$$t and my $$$hyster have their offices there doesn't count.
I was thanked for my opinion, and I tried to avoid as much sarcasm in my reply, although the phrase "I've always felt more Atwaterian than Silver Lakeian" might have wormed it's way into my email.
See you there!
Just a reminder that our neighborhood clean up is tomorrow Saturday
Sept. 28 from 9:00 to 2:00. Friends of Atwater Village will meet in
front of the Ranch Market. There will be a time sign in sheet for
Neighborhood Matching Funds, supplies and refreshments . Please make
some time to come out meet your neighbors and engage in a little civic
pride. Basically we'll be picking up trash , sweeping, weeding and
hauling away bulky items. Bring some working gloves and your friends or
family. Remember " It takes a Village"............Ciao, [name removed]
Anyways, I'm more a supporter of the Friends of Silver Lake myself.
Posted to Los_Angeles at 12:40 AM | Comments (0)
Contemporizing the MMPI
Sometimes I think I would like to try Morris Dancing.
[ x ] Yes.
[ ] No.
[ ] What the fuck is Morris Dancing?
Posted to WackyHumor at 09:07 PM | Comments (0)
I need climbing and/or hiking partners
I'm looking for people who want to climb or go on hikes with me.
For the climbing, I'm a very responsible and moderately experienced belayer looking for the same or greater. I'm mainly interested in TRing at LA Rock Gym, but I might also be interested in Rockreation or the one in Upland, except that's an even longer drive than the other ones. Outside might be OK too.
I'd also be interested in finding people who'd like to go hiking with me.
letshike [atsign] lonewacko.com
Posted to OutdoorSports at 08:50 PM | Comments (0)
Let's put on a show!
Here's a fun project that I and my fellow L.A. bloggers could pursue: create a communal blog located at a store somewhere in L.A. It'd be one of those computers like they have at museums. Anyone who wants to could walk right up to it, add an entry to the blog, read comments, etc.
It could even include a web cam, so people who leave entries in the blog could have their pics posted on the web.
Now, rather than putting this at some cafe, I'm thinking it'd be real kewl if we could put it at a donut shop somewhere. Say, Tang's Donuts at Sunset and Fountain. That's where I shot some scenes for "Donuts" (see below), and you'd have an interesting mix of posters. Especially at night.
So, how do I and my fellow L.A. bloggers make this fun project happen?
Well, we need a kiosk or some other kind of secure case for the computer.
And, we need a site, a connection, computer equipment, and software.
I can come up with some of this, I might even have an old computer that could be used.
Come on, fellow bloggers, what do you say? Let's make this happen!
Posted to Bloggage at 07:49 PM | Comments (0)
Picture of the Day
I can imagine the shooter's glee when he got this shot. The other one earlier in the slideshow featuring the girl giving the dual peace signs between cops looks a little too staged for my tastes.
Posted to ThePeaceMovement at 05:04 PM | Comments (0)
Bumfights *and* KCBS can blow it out their respective asses
Almost ten years ago, I made a short video tape called "Donuts". It featured street people as the stars. I went out to the streets of Hollywood, West LA, and North Hollywood and paid bums to sing Jingle Bells for the camera. Then I spliced it together to create a three minute music video. I paid them $5-$10 each. There was no fighting involved, just singing.
I never really did much with it. I put it on a few public access cable TV shows, showed it at a couple video screenings I organized, and it was shown at a couple screenings organized by others.
Now you've got these USC punks who've made hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not more, doing something slightly similar. I never saw their video, but I hear that they paid one of the participants a donut. Could they have got the idea from me?
Unlike the punks, my intention was not to degrade bums for the amusement of the watchers. While I still feel a little guilty about any possible loss of dignity that might have resulted from shooting these street people singing, I also see lots of "normal" people degrading themselves on TV and in real life all day long. The guys I shot certainly had a fairly clear idea of what was going on. In any case, the goal was not to degrade the bums, but to make the audience feel really bad. That didn't actually work. Most of the response has been more boredom than disgust.
What peeves me as much as their video is the only TV report I've seen on this so far, from KCBS. They're trying to act as the high-minded stewards of community morals, at the same time as they and their parent corporation pour forth their swill on the populace, and at the same time as their colleagues at NBC are showing Fear Factor contestants doing this. And, at the same time as they concentrate on crap "news" like this instead of difficult stories like, oh, say, local politics and corruption.
While paying these bums who may not have been aware of the dangers involved or who may not have been completely aware of anything to perform stunts is really bad, and people being entertained by it is even worse, I really don't think KCBS or any other news outlet has any standing to try to be so high and mighty.
As I was perusing other blogs (oh god I'm becoming one of them. What's next, exchanging links or something?) I read about the "Bum Hunter" episode, in which they supposedly snuck up and attacked a bum, and then paid him? What? If true, that's certainly assault, no?
Did the punks at anytime consult with, like, one of those lawyer people to get their advice? Even the abogado who advertises on the back of buses would say "No, don't do that."
But, on the other hand, I can see these shady DAs salivating at the thought of bringing them to their brand of justice, fanning out in search of the victims (quotes or not? - ed.) Perhaps giving them a donut or two.
Posted to Celebrities at 10:34 PM | Comments (1)
There are usually laws requiring proper ventilation for bathrooms: either a window or a vent of some kind. But, sometimes the window is closed tight or the vent is broken. That's especially bad if it's at, say, a truck stop in, say, Baker CA during, say, an especially hot August.
Can you imagine opening the door in a place like that? Can you imagine the fetid stench not just flowing out, but aggresively getting in your face, the wind blowing it in every direction so you just can't get away from it?
Well, imagine no more.
On a happier note, I'm currently glancing from time to time at the television, sans sound while it tickles my senses with FOX's Fastlane show. I guess these two guys are supposed to be "playas" who are also cops or something. I got tired of the street lingo, kinda like an updated, microwaved Huggy Bear. Unfortunately, the two cops are the stars, and the goddess named Tiffani Thiessen is only shown from time to time. Which latter named personage is the only reason I'm watching this crap in the first place. Can TiVo help me out here? I noticed also that they appeared to have filmed one scene in Griffith Park, somewhere around the Observatory.
Posted to WackyHumor at 08:47 PM | Comments (0)
Angeles National Forest closed?
For the rest of the fire season? Mandatory evacuations of Mt. Baldy Village? That's definitely unfortunate and that's no fun, and I don't mean to make light of the situation, but, can I get a rebate for my yearly Adventure Pass?
Posted to OutdoorSports at 09:04 PM | Comments (0)
Hi, Little Green Man? Sorry to call you on your cell.
We weren't supposed to meet until Thursday. But, what's on your mind?
It looks like I won't be going to New England. I went to the clinic, and they tell me they want to wait til Friday to take out the stitches. So, unless I can find a barrio clinic in Northern New England, it looks like staying in L.A. is what I'll be doing for the next few days.
Don't blame yourself, it's beyond your control. Of course, you could always go to yp.yahoo.com and look for a cheapo clinic in Montpelier VT where you could have the stitches removed, but, hey, don't blame yourself too much, OK?
Er, OK, I won't. So, as I was heading for the North Hollywood barrio, I stopped at a 99 Cents store for an ice cream sandwich.
And, I should care why?
Well, as I was perusing the frozen foods section, I noticed a pretty young lady. She was dressed in a kind of office worker type of style. Not quite at the, say, big studio or big Century City law firm level, but more like the Van Nuys office kind of way.
OK...
And, she looked just like Pocahontas.
What did Pocahontas look like?
I don't know. I just mean she looked like an attractive young Native American lady. She had a thin angular face, a slim petite body, and her hands had a little age on them. No, I don't mean liver spots, I just mean it didn't look like she was a spoiled Valley girl, but neither an oil field worker.
Is this description supposed to be complimentary?
Well, it might not come out that way, but that's the underlying intent. Anyway, she was attractive. She was looking at the salsa. Then she moved on. I started looking at the salsa too. Then, I did an end-around around the end of the aisle, and came back as she was glancing at a box with the word "Nips" on it.
Please, get to the frigging point.
So, at a loss for an opening line, I said: "Nips? That's a strange name." She didn't get it. Then she looked at the rest of the rack and said "That's the only one they have." And, she took the package of Nips and walked away.
Is this blog thing you're doing all about all the failures you have?
Well, I'm just trying to make my loyal readers feel better about themselves. Anyways, I'm wondering what I should have interjected? Something like "What I meant was, after years and years of being programmed to be politically correct and to avoid any language that would be offensive to any possible ethnic, religious, regional, gender-related, abilities-related or any other group other than those of the sociologically defined dominant culture, I'm surprised that anyone would name a product "Nips." That is, after all, a derogatory term for persons of Japanese descent. I wonder, is this product from some foreign country, that had tried to market it in the U.S. but had found out that no one was willing to buy it due to its offensive name and had thus dumped it on the 99 Cents store before changing the name of their product? Could you please wait here while I examine the package to determine if my supposition is correct and in the meantime I will think up something witty to say that will result in you submitting to my perverse desires?
Here's a better one: point to the package of Nips and say "I'll flip you for it." Then give her the Arizona Pattern. Bada ba bing. Please, I need to go now. Ciao.
Posted to WackyHumor at 08:42 PM | Comments (0)
Little green man, should I go to New England?
I need more information.
I need some information too. Weren't you on one of those cartoon shows from the 60s? You know, one of the ones where they made it into a movie. You weren't in the movie, but, in the show, only the protagonist could see and hear you.
That wasn't me, that was my brother. I'm not anyone's intellectual property except my own, and I hereby grant to you full and unrestricted rights to use my voice and image in perpetuity for any use whatsoever excluding animal porn.
That's a relief. Back to New England, I'll feel like a schmuck if I don't go. I need to do something, right? I realize now that, except for summitting Mt. Hollywood a few times, I haven't really done anything since July. I haven't even done anything of note before then. I need a big, named summit that's not that difficult, like Mt. Hood. But, I blew that chance back in May. The last time I tried even something as simple as Mt. Baldy, I didn't summit. I was going to go on a two-day backpacking trip in the Sierras last weekend with a group, but I had to cancel because the doc told me to lay off the sweating because of the stitches in my head. I feel like I squandered the summer. All I wanted to do was to be like Philip Greenspun. I'm beginning to feel like a failure.
But, you've done plenty of interesting things. And, that Mt. Baldy trip was a first time that way. Remember, you mountain biked up the ski lodge access road. That's 1600' of gain, followed by a hike of around 1200'. You were only 1000' or so from Baldy, it's just that you didn't have so much mtb experience, so it was tiring. Plus, you took the more steep route past the ski lodge. In retrospect, taking the other one would have been easier. And, while I realize it was last year when you did it, even something as prosaic as Strawberry Peak was fairly difficult because you did it with no one else around, and with ice not on the rocks, but definitely in your boot cleats. And, remember those 8 California county summits you got in just 6 days earlier this year?
But, those were all easy ones. It only worked out to about 5000' of gain for all of them. Hans Florine here I come.
Yeah, but there was lots of driving, and some navigation involved. It wasn't that easy, and you were alone for all but one of the summits. San Benito county was quite an adventure, and you haven't even written that up yet!
Maybe I should skip New England for now. Part of it is I don't want to spend the money, and part is I don't want to go alone. It's not fun anymore. Maybe I should wait and try to get with a group to do a snowy ascent of Marcy or Mansfield, maybe even Mt. Washington later in the year. I could concentrate on rock climbing and improving my aerobic conditioning in the meantime, maybe do a fairly easy alpine ascent with a guided party, or go to Texas and do Guadalupe Peak. That's only 8 miles and 3200', and it's only up to 8000'. Plus, it's in the middle of a nice hot desert.
That's reasonable. Well, look, I'm glad we had this chat, but I need to go now. Let's see, our next session could be Thursday at 10am, is that OK with you?
OK, ciao.
Posted to WackyHumor at 04:09 PM | Comments (0)
National "Blog it Outside" Day is October 5!
On Saturday, October 5, bloggers from across the nation will be blogging in public to celebrate National "Blog it Outside" Day.
Bloggers will locate themselves in shopping malls carrying laptop computers. Some will actively blog from inside the mall, others will simply show visiting mall patrons their blogs.
Please visit National "Blog it Outside" Day headquarters for more information on your local blog! See you there!
----------
I went to this last year. It went like this:
"Hi, I'm Lonewacko. Want to read my diary?"
"Is it in a small book with a clasp?"
"Hi, I'm Lonewacko...hey, wait, let me finish."
"Hi, I'm Chris, would you like to read my blog?"
"Up yours"
"Hi, I'm Chris, would you like to read my journal?"
"What's it about?"
"Well, it has my random musing, thoughts, and the like...hello?"
Posted to Bloggage at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)
Hi, Iroda.
Hi, Kreess.
Will you go to New England with me?
When are you going?
I'm supposed to leave LAX at 6am Wednesday morning. That means I have to go to the Van Nuys flyaway at around 2am Tuesday night. Then, I'm coming back October 1.
It sounds like a nice trip.
Yeah, I like New England. It smells real good, nice colors. But... I'm still not feeling good. Plus, I'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing.
I thought you were taking antibiotics?
Yeah, as you know, I recently had a sebacious cyst removed from my scalp. I should get the stitches taken out tomorrow. In conjunction with that, I've taken half an oz. of Cephalaxin over the past week. I still feel like go---.
You should be OK, just ask for more Cephalaxin.
But, then I gotta go to New England for a week. I'm sure as hell not paying $60 a night for a motel. Bear in mind, I'll be in northern N.E., not in the southern part with the larger cities. My other options are hostels, campgrounds, or backpacking campgrounds. I mean, I've got a 20 degree bag, a winter tent, a balaclava, two knit caps, expedition weight pants, mittens, goretex mitten covers, everything I need even for winter camping. Still...
What's the matter?
Well, as Reinhold Messner says in the latest Rock and Ice, he was ascared to go out alone, but he overcame it. I don't really get ascared, I just really really don't like being alone, even in a campground with other people. And, he was alone on Everest and Denali. Plus, with me, this feeling is something that's been getting stronger and stronger rather than the other way. Plus, laying on the cold, hard ground is seeming more and more like a coming attraction than an enjoyable experience.
Kreess, you're just getting morbid.
I can't help it, Iroda. When I went out with the Sierra Club's Wilderness Travel Course a couple years ago, it was OK. There were twenty other people in the class. I hated them, they hated me, but, I didn't worry about all the things I worry about when I'm alone. One of them was even an ER doctor. Now, it's just me. It creeps me out.
So, are you going to New England?
I don't know, Iroda, I don't know. I've already postponed this trip twice before. Maybe I'll do it again. Stay closer to home, go somewhere either where it's warmer, or with a group.
Well, let me know what you're going to do.
OK, I'll blog it for you. Ciao.
Posted to WackyHumor at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)
Gray Davis: V for Victory!
In his latest TV commercial, Gray Davis gives the backwards "V for Victory" sign. If you're not familiar with that particular obscene gesture, see the "palm-back v sign" section.
In his commercial, he's of course not making the sign intentionally, and he doesn't make it with quite the same enthusiasm as the guy at the web page above. It's in the last shot of "RESTORE" when he's standing at the podium, available here.
Could this be a subtle subliminal comment from his handlers? "You know you're getting screwed, and you know you like it. So, vote for the bastard."
As a final subliminal hand gesture, perhaps Gray should hold his hand out palm-up.
Posted to California at 09:17 PM | Comments (0)
Kreess?
Golubushka moya, how goes it?
I'm an angry little pigeon, Kreess. After my practice, I went to the showers, and I met Anna Kournakova. Ona ochen' nekulturnaya!
How so?
As she was soaping herself up and down, she said that she was your first choice for a conversational foil. She said that you only speak with me because she was taken, and because you figured that because I'm not as pretty as she is and not as popular, you thought you'd have an easier chance.
Wow. That's not just wrong, that's not nice at all. She really is uncultured.
Da. She also called you a gonuf for ripping off Tony Pierce's shtick.
Has she been spending time in the Catskills or something?
I don't know. But, I do know I'm beginning to think you're right about this blogging thing. Maybe they all are out to get you.
It's a relief to hear you say that. I mean, come on. Who gives a flying f--- what 99% of these bloggers think? It seems like all they do is link to one another, thereby supporting their individual views. It's almost like the USENET cabal. It's so inside baseball. They mention names like you're an automatic fan and you're supposed to know who these people are. And, many of them write in this Euro-trashy kinda way: "My buddy Bob came over, and he brought his friend Sally, and we went to friggin' Eurodisney, and then we did this, and then we got on our friggin' scooters and did that, and blah, blah, blah."
I hear you.
I think Mickey Kaus is behind it all. Originally, it was just going to be 500 channels, now it's more like 5 million, and all of them bad. If I want to hear babbling, I can go to the donut shop and chat with the schizophrenics.
Da, bye.
Bye.
Posted to WackyHumor at 03:47 PM | Comments (0)
Spielberg: "Krackle for all!"
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - (AP) - On the set of "Jurassic Park IV: Let's just keep milking this dinosaur thing", acclaimed director Steven Spielberg informed a cheerful cast and crew that all present will receive an extra special bonus, in addition to whatever stacks of cash they'll be receieving for their participation in his latest epic: a 5-pound box of Krackle bars.
Due to a scene in which Sam Neill ("The Antichrist") is being chased by a dinosaur past the dinosaur museum from Jurassic Park II, and, in order to obtain a quick energy boost he approaches a candy machine and chooses a Krackle bar from all extant choices, the people who make Krackle have generously donated large boxes of their product. Spielberg added that he hoped the sugar rush that the cast and crew would obtain from the bars would propel them to create cinematic history.
While contract negociations regarding this important milestone have not yet been fully inked, sources said that all that remained to work out was the Injunctive Relief clause.
Posted to WackyHumor at 02:12 PM | Comments (3)
Kreess?
Hola, Iroda!
I got IM from Matt Welch today.
Who? What? I don't even have a cell phone. How'd you get an IM anyway, aren't you supposed to be practicing?
I take laptop to court with me.
And, anyway, contacting another blogger's shtick is a direct violation of the Blogger's Code.
He said it was OK, because you had stolen Tony Pierce's shtick in the first place. He said two wrongs cancelled out, at least in this case.
They're all out to get me, you know that, right? All the LA bloggers conspire against me. They spend all their time linking to each other...
Please, Kreess, I don't want to hear about your paranoid fantasies.
But, it's true, Iroda!
Matt told me he caught you eyeballing a Ralph's checker. He said she was a short, chubby Hispanic lady.
First of all, she's not "chubby," she's just not thin. She seems to have a nice, warm personality.
So, what are you doing with this checker?
Are you jealous, Iroda? I mean, you aren't real, so how could you be jealous?
I'm very real.
But, I mean, this conversation never took place, at least never with you.
I don't know how you could give up an internationally famous tennis superstar who earned $400000 lifetime touring for a Ralph's checker.
I'm just making friends, Iroda. It's kinda difficult because I've only got a few seconds. But, so far I've managed to build up a little rapport. The next time I go there, I'm going to make EC [eye contact], then ask her about the Navajo bracelet she wears.
It sounds interesting, ho hum.
Wait, Iroda, hopefully I can quickly steer the bracelet discussion into something about Arizona. What would it be like if you could go to Arizona right now, Iroda? The white clouds, the piercing blue skies, red rock monoliths and spires stretching towards the sky, the desert air enveloping every inch of your body like a warm bath...
Stop, Kreess, I am getting too hot.
Good night, Iroda.
Good night, Kreess.
Do cvidanya.
Da, bye.
Posted to WackyHumor at 11:30 AM | Comments (0)
Hola, Iroda!
Hola, Kreess!
How's the tour going?
Just great! I have a serve like the lightning on the hilltops of my native Uzbekistan.
You know, Iroda, chital detskuyu knigu...
Please, Kreess, speak English. What was the children's book about?
It was about a young Uzbek girl who decided to buck her parental authority in favor of the state and go to a state school, live like a Russki instead of an Uzbek.
Yes, perhaps I saw that book in my homeland.
So, you makin' money on the tour?
Yes! $400000 American so far. My body, you like?
O boy!
Now, Kreess, not everyone will understand your bad pun on Russian word for "both". You naughty American.
Good night, Iroda.
Good night, Kreess.
I'm going to hang up now.
Me too.
No, you hang up first.
OK, nighty-night.
Ciao. Bye bye. Snookums.
Posted to WackyHumor at 09:53 PM | Comments (0)
